`


THERE IS NO GOD EXCEPT ALLAH
read:
MALAYSIA Tanah Tumpah Darahku

LOVE MALAYSIA!!!


 

10 APRIL 2024

Tuesday, May 7, 2024

TUESDAY JOKES - 211

 

Kuantan, Pahang, Malaysia

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by talking about their lives. Finally, Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment.
"I've got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us."
"Great. Where do you live?"
"Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in."
"Good. But tell me...what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right?  

"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed!"

 

An eight-year-old kid swaggered into the lounge and demanded of the barmaid, "Give me a double Scotch on the rocks."
"What do you want to do, get me in trouble?" the barmaid asked.
"Maybe later," the kid said. "Right now, I just want the Scotch!"


My friends asked me to go camping, so I made a list of the things I would need:

“1. New friends!”


A young girl was attending her first wedding, watching the proceedings with interest for a while before growing restless. The groom stood at the altar as six bridesmaids walked slowly up the aisle, one by one. Soon, the girl leaned over to her mom and whispered, “Why doesn’t he just hurry up and pick one?”

 

What do you call a fish wearing a bow tie?" 

Sofishticated!

 

A soldier stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the United States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind away from the local women. 

The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson and music books.
Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and through the front door. "Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here... let me look at you... let me hold you ! Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I've missed your loving so much !" 

The wife, keeping her distance, said, "All in good time, lover. First, let's hear you play that harmonica!"


Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. 

Then it's a soap opera!

 

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.
"Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden.
It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinal's gold!"
The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day she checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon.
She calls up the place to check her husband's story.
"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answered the phone.
"Yes, it is," bartender answers.
"Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What about golden urinals?"
There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling,
"Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy who pissed in your saxophone last night!"

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.

Sanusi sesuai semua suasana

 

hishamuddin-aun

Akhirnya kedua-duanya bertentang mata juga. Dalam suasana masih dalam bulan Syawal, Sanusi Nor memanfaatkan Majlis Sambutan Aidilfitri Madani peringkat negeri Kedah di Jitra pada Sabtu untuk memohon maaf kepada Perdana Menteri Anwar Ibrahim atas keterlanjuran kata-kata atau lebih tepat lagi maki-hamunnya pada masa lalu.

Apabila ia membabitkan Sanusi, ia bukan keterlanjuran melainkan serangan yang disusun sedemikian rupa sesuai dengan khalayak di depannya.

Tapi suasana pada Sabtu bukan di pentas ceramah politik. Ia satu majlis keramaian hari raya yang menuntutnya lebih beradab dan berbahasa.

Yang diraikannya pula adalah tetamu termasuk timbalan perdana menteri dan beberapa menteri Kabinet dengan menyasarkan projek untuk kemajuan negeri, tidak terkecuali di bawah kementerian kemajuan desa dan wilayah yang diketuai Zahid Hamidi yang diharap mendapat pertimbangan sewajarnya.

Lantas, ucapan Sanusi lebih beradun tanpa sesekali melencong daripada teks yang disediakan untuk dibacanya.

Begitupun, apabila dikritik warganet atas ‘perubahan’ ditunjukkannya, Sanusi mengakui kecewa. Media sosial memuatkan komen-komen sinis yang mempersendakannya.

Tidak ketinggalan ada yang melukis karikatur beliau tunduk memohon maaf kepada Anwar bersama dialog “Mohon maaf ler, mulut saya memang kurang ajaq, Kelantan dah dapat (peruntukan), Kedah bila lagi?”

Dalam satu majlis keesokannya, menteri besar menjelaskan permohonan maaf yang dibuatnya itu adalah ikhlas dan bukan lakonan. Tidak diketahui pula dari mana datangnya dakwaan ia hanya lakonan.

Namun, sama ada Sanusi benar-benar ikhlas – bermaksud beliau menyesalinya dan tidak akan ulangi perbuatan itu – hanya masa dan keadaan akan mengukurnya.

Sebenarnya ‘perubahan’ pada diri Sanusi sudah pun dibayangkan lebih awal. Dalam sidang media selepas persidangan DUN Kedah pada 7 Mac, menteri besar merakamkan ucapan terima kasih kepada perdana menteri kerana membuka ruang kepada perbincangan berkaitan projek pembangunan di Kedah.

Belum pernah terdengar sebelum ini beliau berterima kasih. Menganggap Anwar telah mula “berlembut”, Sanusi teruja dengan sokongan kerajaan persekutuan terhadap pembangunan Pelabuhan Laut Dalam Sanglang dan pembangunan Kedah Aerotropolis.

“Alhamdulillah, saya ucap terima kasih kepada Yang Amat Berhormat Perdana Menteri kerana telah mula berlembut dan membuka pintu kepada sebarang perundingan berkaitan dengan projek-projek ekonomi,” katanya pada sidang media ketika itu.

Kita tidak tidak perlu diingatkan bahawa kedua-dua Sanusi dan Anwar mempunyai sejarah perang mulut yang panjang – dari sebelum PRU15 lagi yang didahului kemuncaknya dalam PRN enam negeri pada 12 Ogos 2023. Ia berlanjutan ke PRK Pulai/Simpang Jeram pada 9 Sept 2023, PRK Pelangai pada 7 Okt 2023 dan PRK Kemaman pada 2 Dis 2023. Malah, Anwar pernah menyaman Sanusi pada 13 Dis 2022 berhubung ucapan berbaur fitnah mengaitkannya dengan perlakuan tidak bermoral dalam satu kempen ceramah Jelajah PN Best Tambun.

Boleh andaikan apa yang dirasakan oleh Sanusi terhadap Anwar sama dengan apa yang perdana menteri pendam terhadap menteri besar Kedah itu.

Pernah dalam satu sidang Dewan Rakyat pada 6 Jun 2023, Anwar menyentuh persoalan adab untuk menerangkan mengapa beliau tidak bertemu Sanusi berbanding dengan menteri besar negeri lain yang ditadbir oleh Perikatan Nasional (PN).

Sepanjang enam bulan di Putrajaya, kata perdana menteri, sudah empat kali pertemuan diadakan dengan Menteri Besar Kelantan Ahmad Yakob dan Menteri Besar Terengganu Ahmad Samsuri Mokhtar pada waktu itu.

Kemudian, dalam Ceramah Mega Madani di Sungai Ara, Bayan Lepas pada 5 Ogos 2023, Anwar mengulangi jika menteri besar Kedah itu menulis sehingga 30 surat kepadanya sekalipun untuk meminta pertemuan, beliau tidak akan melayaninya atas sebab sama.

“Dia mengutus tiga surat. Jika dia tulis 30 surat sekalipun, saya tidak peduli kerana dia tidak tahu adab dan gemar menghina orang,” kata Anwar sambil menambah bahawa beliau akan memberi respons dengan cara baik jika beliau sendiri disantuni dengan cara sama. “Jika kamu bercakap dengan beradab, saya juga akan menjawab dengan beradab.”

Anwar yang sering didakwa “buka mulut, mohong… buka mulut, mohong” oleh Sanusi dalam siri ceramahnya, dihadapinya secara bersemuka dalam Mesyuarat Majlis Kewangan Negara Tahun 2024 yang dihadiri menteri-menteri besar dan ketua-ketua menteri di Putrajaya, 4 Apr lalu.

Daripada rakaman video mesyuarat itu di Facebook, tidak banyak interaksi di antara kedua-duanya ditunjukkan di sebalik Sanusi, yang lengkap berbaju kot sedangkan hampir keseluruhan yang lain berbaju batik sesuai dengan hari Khamis, seakan-akan terharap-harap.

Dirakamkan bergelak ketawa dengan ketua menteri dan menteri besar, Sanusi dan Anwar pula tidak lebih daripada bersifat sivil. Mungkin tidak silap untuk membaca bahasa tubuh perdana menteri ketika itu sebagai enggan menimbulkan apa-apa “adegan”.

Mungkin itu juga yang mendorong ‘perubahan’ Sanusi hingga membawa kepada permohonan maafnya bagi ucapannya yang kurang sesuai selama berkhidmat sebagai menteri besar kedah dan atas kapasiti politik pada Sabtu.

“Sebagai insan yang lemah, keterlanjuran dan kesilapan pastinya ada dalam diri kita masing-masing. Semoga pertemuan dalam bulan Syawal yang mulia ini akan menjadi asbab untuk kita mulakan lembaran baharu serta sama-sama melangkah dengan hati yang bersih, ikhlas dan bertanggungjawab,” katanya ketika berucap pada Majlis Sambutan Aidilfitri Madani di Jitra.

Anwar pada awal dan penghujung ucapannya memberi reaksi: “Kepada Datuk Seri Sanusi, jarang saya nak terima kasih kat dia ni. Tapi hari ini saya terima kasih kerana disambut dengan baik dengan pasukan exco dan pegawai-pegawai kanan Kedah. Sebab itu saya kata Datuk Sanusi, saya ni mudah. Cakap elok-elok selesai semua.”

Benarlah Sanusi seorang yang sesuai untuk semua suasana. Seperti diakuinya, semuanya bergantung kepada baju yang dipakainya ketika itu untuk apa saja yang dihamburkannya tidak disalahertikan di luar konteks.

Ukuran lanjut ke atasnya ialah di pentas-pentas ceramah selaku ketua pengarah pilihan raya PN selepas ini sama ada beliau mampu mengekalkan diplomasinya terhadap Anwar.

Hanya Rabu lalu, dalam ceramahnya ketika kempen PRK Kuala Kubu Baharu, Sanusi menyerlahkan sisi berbezanya dengan berkata: “Janganlah pulak bila kita ceramah, ini nak hentam kerajaan. Bukan. Kita nak hentam Pakatan Harapan. Bukan saya nak hentam kerajaan persekutuan. Dak.

“Pasai malam ni saya pakai baju Perikatan Nasional, bukan menteri besar kedah. Depa ni tak tau beza, walanon ni bodoh. Dia kata satu masa minta bantuan kerajaan persekutuan, mai di Selangor hentam (kerajaan) persekutuan.

“Saya mai ceramah (sebagai) pengarah pilihan raya. Dalam pilihan raya, saya dibenarkan ceramah, tak kan tak boleh. Malam ini ceramah politik. Ceramah politik ni hanya akan bercakap dalam konteks pilihan raya yang sedang kita lalui. Esok saya masuk tempat saya kerja, saya cakaplah sebagai menteri besar. Masa tu hangpa tak dengar pun.”

Ia tentunya amat menarik untuk diikuti dan diperhatikan jika Sanusi tidak lagi akan mengulangi serangannya terhadap Anwar selepas ini. Di tengah sorak-sorai yang diselangi takbir daripada khalayak yang akan mengapi-apikannya di atas pentas ceramah, harus tiada sesiapa boleh berasa pasti. - FMT

Artikel ini adalah pandangan penulis dan tidak semestinya mewakili MMKtT.

Ringgit finds support driven by mild demand

 

KUALA LUMPUR: The ringgit opened slightly higher on Tuesday, driven by mild demand for the domestic note and the weakening of the greenback due to lower US Treasury yields, analysts said.

At 9am, the ringgit rose to 4.7360/4.7405 versus the greenback from Monday’s close of 4.7380/4.7405.

Bank Muamalat Malaysia Bhd chief economist Afzanizam Rashid said the US dollar was fairly stable with the US Dollar Index (DXY) falling as low as 104.876 points but later rebounding to 105.194 points.

“This happened despite equity markets continuing to rally on Monday with the US Treasury yields remaining low last night,” he told Bernama.

He said the 10-year US Treasury note yielded 4.49%, one basis point lower compared to Friday’s closing.

“The Richmond US Federal Reserve (Fed) president Tom Barkin indicated he is optimistic that the restrictive monetary policy would bring the inflation rate towards the Fed’s 2% goal.

“It appears that hope for a US rate cut has been rejuvenated since the release of weaker-than-expected nonfarm payrolls (NFP),” he added.

It was reported that the NFP came in at 175,000 in April against consensus estimates of 238,000 and was lower compared to 315,000 in the prior month.

Meanwhile, wage growth is also cooling with average hourly earnings growing 3.9% in April from 4.4% at the start of the year.

“On that note, the ringgit should be well supported as the Fed seems to be on track to ease its monetary policy this year,” Afzanizam said.

At the opening, the ringgit traded higher against a basket of major currencies.

It rose versus the Japanese yen to 3.0755/3.0788 from Monday’s close of 3.0806/3.0825, went up vis-a-vis the British pound to 5.9522/5.9579 from 5.9604/5.9635 yesterday, and appreciated against the euro to 5.1026/5.1074 from 5.1033/5.1060.

The local note traded mixed against Asean currencies.

The ringgit traded higher versus the Philippine peso to 8.27/8.29 from 8.28/8.29 on Monday and gained against the Singapore dollar to 3.5068/3.5104 from 3.5086/3.5107 yesterday.

However, it fell against the Thai baht to 12.8951/12.9120 from 12.8950/12.9070 and slipped vis-a-vis the Indonesian rupiah to 295.4/295.9 from 295.6/295.9 previously. - FMT

Anwar to meet Petronas for talks on Saudi Aramco project in Pengerang

 

Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim during a meeting with Saudi Aramco leaders during his visit to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, last October.  (Bernama pic)

PUTRAJAYA: Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim will meet Petronas officials this week to discuss the national oil and gas corporation’s project with Saudi Aramco at the Pengerang Integrated Complex (PIC) in Johor.

“I will discuss with Petronas in one to two days as there are three important matters – two have been settled,” he said in a speech at the finance ministry’s monthly assembly here.

“There is a slight problem that requires a decision at the government level,” added Anwar, who is also the finance minister.

Saudi Aramco, an integrated energy and chemicals company, is looking to expand its downstream pursuits in Malaysia by adding petrochemical and gas downstream activities.

Last October, Aramco president (downstream) Mohammed Y Al Qahtani said the company was excited about the Pengerang project and looking forward to sustaining not only the operation, but also its potential expansion in the future.

Aramco has also said it aims to make PIC the hub of its oil and gas development in Southeast Asia.

In a Bernama report, Anwar urged Petronas staff to continue working with integrity after reminding them of the energy giant’s international reputation.

Apart from ensuring proper management and good governance, he said Petronas should continue having clear policies on investment and job opportunities.

“When I was in China, the US, Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates… Everyone was speaking well of Petronas,” he said.

“At times, the recognition given to Petronas was higher than that given to the country.

“Although Malaysia was previously embroiled in issues such as poor governance, corruption and other scandals that hurt the country’s reputation, I am proud of Petronas for always ensuring high levels of integrity.” - FMT

Police arrest another suspect in acid attack on footballer Faisal Halim

 Following the incident, Faisal Halim suffered from fourth degree burns.

PETALING JAYA: Police arrested another man believed to be involved in the acid attack on Selangor FC star and national player Faisal Halim at a shopping centre in Damansara, yesterday.

According to sources, the suspect is in his 30s.

A remand application is expected to be made at the Petaling Jaya Court today.

It was reported yesterday that police had arrested a man, in his 20s, was arrested in Pandan Indah in Ampang on Sunday, based on the registration number of a motorcycle that was allegedly used in the incident.

The suspect was remanded for two days.

Faisal suffered fourth degree burns, resulting in severe injuries to his face, back, arms, and ribs after being splashed with acid by an unknown individual in the attack on Sunday. - NST

Deputy IGP wants continuous upskilling and reskilling of law enforcement personnel

 Deputy Inspector-General of Police Datuk Seri Ayob Khan Mydin Pitchay has called for the continuous upskilling and reskilling of law enforcement personnel to effectively combat the evolving threats in the realms of cybercrime and substance abuse. - NSTP pic

KUALA LUMPUR: Deputy Inspector-General of Police Datuk Seri Ayob Khan Mydin Pitchay has called for the continuous upskilling and reskilling of law enforcement personnel to effectively combat the evolving threats in the realms of cybercrime and substance abuse.

Speaking at the launch of the seminar on Cybercrime and Substance Abuse at the Defence Services Asia (DSA) and National Security (Natsec) 2024, he said the rapid growth of information technologies had unfortunately enhanced cybercrime and new psychoactive substances (NPS) abuse activities globally.

"Global internet access and technological advancements, when wrongly applied, have created various threats to our well-being.

"Cybercrime and NPS abuse have introduced new challenges to society and the nation, raising concerns due to its serious impact on social and economic developments.

"The increasing use of digital devices, encryption methods and anonymity services pose complex technical challenges for law enforcement agencies.

The transborder nature of these emerging threats, Ayob said, made it difficult for law enforcement agencies to pursue legal actions due to jurisdiction limitations.

As such, he emphasised that cooperation between different countries' law enforcement agencies was crucial in addressing these challenges.

"Total prevention of cybercrime and NPS abuse may be very tough but as guardians of the law, we must excel. 

"The rapid changes in technologies require us to constantly upskill and reskill our personnel to defeat the enemies. Let us send a committed message to our common enemies, you may run but you can never hide from the long arms of the law."

Ayob also reiterated the police's commitment to engaging with various stakeholders, including government agencies, international law enforcement bodies, private sector organisations, and academia, to facilitate information sharing, capacity building, and coordinated efforts in combating cybercrimes.

He said the proactive approach included conducting awareness campaigns and educational programmes to educate the public about cyber risks and encourage the reporting of cybercrimes. 

"To reinforce the current expertise in investigating narcotic criminals, the police and the Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) have developed a strategic cooperation programme to improve investigative capabilities against the threats of NPS abuse.

"The seminar is conducted to meet the long-term needs of the police for human resource development and produce experts in substance abuse-related fields. 

"Hence, this research will boost the existing expertise at UKM towards helping the police to fight the threats of substance abuse effectively and efficiently." - NST