Does your wife deserve a slap?

Repeated domestic violence would not happen with proper coordination between the police, the Social Welfare Department, the courts and the community.

COMMENT

If you saw a woman being slapped or beaten by her husband, her boyfriend or another male, would you intervene? Or would you walk away, because you do not wish to interfere in a domestic matter?

Are you one of those men who feel in complete control when you beat women up? Do you like to “put women in their place” by humiliating them in public?

It is not always the man’s fault. Some women accept verbal abuse from their husbands just because the meal is not as expected. Others think nothing of seeking their husbands’ consent before leaving the house. Some mothers, when told of their daughters’ abuse, advise them to be patient, “Sabar lah”, even after seeing the purple bruises. Many “educated” women, who one would have thought would have been aware of their rights, are the ones who fail themselves.

Most women who are victims of domestic violence claim that they did not see the abusive behaviour of their husbands or boyfriends early on in the relationship.

One woman said, “He was charming. The trouble only started when I got pregnant. He slapped me with such force I fell. I knew then he was trouble.”

Another said, “Everyone thought he was nice. He was everybody’s friend. I was not prepared for what happened later.”

Other remarks included, “The controlling behavior started on our honeymoon.” “When I said I wanted to end the relationship, he refused to accept my decision and kept harassing me saying, if he could not have me, then no one could.”

One woman, who admitted that she had noticed flashes of temper in her boyfriend said, “I thought I could change him. I was wrong.”

Last year, four women died in Malaysia after they were abused by their husbands or former husbands.

Lai Siew Fong of Bukit Mertajam received 70% burns on her body after she was set alight by her husband following an argument. She died 40 days later, with her 10-year-old son at her bedside, from multiple-organ failure.

Nurhidayah Ghani was going through a messy divorce when her abusive husband and his friends followed her on their motorbikes, surrounded her car, and beat her up. All her internal organs were destroyed in the beating.

Pregnant Filipina Vivian Biding Camarota, of Pontian, was kicked in the abdomen by her Malaysian husband. She died the following morning after a miscarriage.

The fourth victim to die last year from injuries sustained in domestic violence was Murugal Kuppusamy. She was stabbed to death by her drunk husband, who had accused her of having an affair. His eldest son said that his father was a violent man who regularly beat his mother.

Both Lai and Nurulhidayah had made numerous police reports but to no avail. Despite repeated warnings from womens’ NGOs, our criminal justice system has failed these women.

Domestic violence is blind to status or profession. Julia Daud’s husband, the actor and former model Badrul Muhayat Ahmad Jailani, punched his wife in the face, kicked her in the stomach, and beat her back and legs with a broom stick in March 2010. They made an out-of-court settlement of RM1,000.

Even the filthy rich are not spared. In her application for divorce, socialite Shahnaz Abu Bekir Taib told the court that she had been beaten by her husband. Bekir denied the allegations and tried to humiliate her by making crude remarks about her virginity at the time of their wedding.

Pauline Chai, a former beauty queen who is in the process of divorcing her husband, the billionaire Khoo Kay Peng, made allegations in a UK newspaper that Khoo was “abusive and oppressive”. She wanted to be free of a “violent” relationship and described her food being rationed and having to seek his consent to go out.

The three states with the highest number of domestic violence cases are Selangor, Kelantan and Johor. The police statistics record an annual average of 3,265 domestic violence cases per year between 2000 and 2012.

Roxana Ridzuan, the communications officer for the Muslim NGO Sisters in Islam (SIS), said that in addition to the Malaysian Domestic Violence Act, the Islamic Family Law can also be used to punish men who harm their wives. She said that under the provision of Section 52(1)(h) of the Islamic Family Law Act, domestic violence could be used to invoke fasakh (divorce).

Women should not have to suffer or die. Repeated domestic violence would not happen with proper coordination between four parties: the police, the Social Welfare Department, the courts and the community.

Victims of domestic violence cannot solve this problem alone. Some are paralysed by fear. Others have been issued with death threats. Many are ignorant of their rights. These women need your help too. Do intervene when you see an abuse taking place. Do intervene if you suspect your friend, neighbour or family member is suffering.

Perhaps, if someone had taken the initiative, the four women who died last year, Lai, Nurulhidayah, Vivien and Murugal, would be alive today.

NOTE:

1. Starting at 5 pm on Sunday, December 7, the Perak Women for Women Society is holding a walk and a fete to raise awareness of domestic violence. The venue is the old Polo Ground in Ipoh. Please bring your family and friends. Men are most welcome. It will be fun for all.

2. Useful numbers:

Police – 03-2031 9999 / 03-2266 3333

Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO) – 03-7956 3488

Telenita Helpline (All Women’s Action Society) – 03-7877 0224

Telenisa (Sisters In Islam) – 03-7960 8802

Perak Women for Women Society (PWW) Ipoh: 05-546 9715

Women’s Centre for Change (WCC) Penang – 04-2280 342

Mariam Mokhtar is an FMT columnist