Recently we have been having a conversation and dialogue in our country via the social media about the roles and relationships of men and women.
The discussion highlights the distressing views that are held by many weak men about women.
We are tired of hearing these weak men speak.
Among their messages and beliefs include:
“Women’s role is in the home/kitchen, men’s role… ” – common gender role stigmatisation
“Women are the cause of sin in men, especially sexual sin.”
“Women have to take action to protect weak men from falling into sin” – the need to conform to men’s idea of dressing
“Women in marriage are the property of men.”
“Women cannot refuse their husbands, even to the point of rape.”
More frightening is that they try to use God and scripture to justify their perspectives.
Even some members of the judiciary have recently ruled that a woman is subservient to her husband and cannot make independent decisions regarding her own body (for surgery).
Our leaders are also sadly not open to women leaders, especially at a prime minister level.
In our opinion, these views are prejudiced and misguided. They indicate immaturity and weakness of the person.
Women have been oppressed by weak and immature men like these for thousands of years.
In recent decades we have seen some semblance of hope for women through obtaining education and holding some positions of authority and power.
But weak and immature men are quick to try and curtail this.
When dozens of capable women are available for a senior post in the civil service, the barrel will be scraped to find any man to place at the top.
When women dominate the university education system, there is talk of quotas for men.
When women dress to look beautiful, they are called a harlot.
Some of our elected leaders are even verbally abusive of women in Parliament and allowed to get away with denigrating comments; this speaks volumes of the mentality of our elected leadership.
When women earn more than their husbands, there is conflict at home.
At least one in four marriages ends in divorce (the actual rate is higher) often because men abuse their wives or cannot deal with a mature and equal partnership.
We believe that anyone who thinks of women as being inferior to men is not of God and continues to live in the dark ages.
Women have shown that they can be stronger than men in many ways, emotionally, spiritually, educationally and especially in their ability to sustain and maintain continuity in very difficult environments (like looking after a household and children, while holding a job with little support from freeloading husbands).
We believe that women and men are equal, but different. It is not about competing with one another, but in complementing each other on an equal footing. True masculinity and feminity are qualities to aspire for.
It is time for Malaysian men to grow up, especially those who claim to be our religious or political leaders, the example you set for the average man is a poor one, one that looks down on women.
All religions speak about the respect we need to give to one another and, in marriage, how the “two are to become one and yet remaining two”.
They also speak about how a man has an enormous responsibility towards his wife. Perhaps one good example is the reverence men are asked to extend to their wife, as expressed in the Bible.
Husbands are asked to love their wives, as God loves His people and should willingly surrender everything for their salvation. What a wonderful and high calling for men.
We would like to suggest five marks that indicate strong and real men, in the context of marriage:
1. Fully involved in the family and children, sharing all responsibilities in the household.
2. Always holding women and their opinions with respect and dignity.
3. Caring for women to the point of their own suffering (for example, it is time for men to opt for easy vasectomies instead of subjecting women to difficult tubal ligations).
4. Always making your wife the primary focus of your family, rather than your parents or children.
5. A true reverence for God and a life of humility and service to others, starting with the home.
To men who are trying, well done; learn to emulate women's strengths.
At all times we need to listen to truth and not the voices of evil, even if they come from so-called leaders.
A blessing to women: may you show the way forwards to a mature society in our beloved nation.
* Datuk Dr Amar-Singh HSS and Datin Dr Lim Swee Im read The Malaysian Insider.
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