WILL DR MAHATHIR COME? 10 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU'LL MEET AT BERSIH 4

Turning and turning in the widening gyre

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere

The ceremony of innocence is drowned;

The best lack all conviction, while the worst

Are full of passionate intensity.

– William Butler Yeats, “The Second Coming”

Okay-lah, I confess that the poem is just there to make this piece sounds a little more sophisticated. Anyway, let’s delve into the 10 types of people you will meet in Bersih 4. The list is by no means exhaustive.

Kaki demo

These are the veteran demonstrators and heavyweights of street protests. They are so used to protesting in the streets and the subsequent “vacation” (with complimentary free-of-charge accommodation) that they will feel that it’s just “another day, another protest”.

Expect these bunch of warriors to be on the frontlines and leading the chants.

First-timers

In contrast with the kaki demo, these are your first-time demonstrators. Just like boys who just reach puberty, they are easily excited.

“Wah, I have never seen so many people!”, “Wah, everyone is wearing yellow”, “Wah, look at this road usually traffic jam but today no car!”

And of course, the endless selfies, Facebook posts, live tweets, and photos. They will probably lose a smartphone or two when the Big Brother steps in. Or in our vocabulary, when shit gets real.

Muscle guys

In past Bersih rallies, we have had Unit Amal from PAS providing the much-needed security. We feel safer knowing that there’s at least some security units that actually do their job to protect the people.

The good thing about the concept of “wala” in PAS is that when their leaders call their members to join a demonstration, many of them will show up.

With conflicting information about PAS support for Bersih 4, however, we may have to rely on our own to form a barricade and protect each other. Guess there’s still time to head to the gym.

Family and party guys

These people bring their kids, party costumes, and party supplies (balloons etc) to Bersih as if they are coming to join a concert or picnic.

They make the rally less tense and more fun, to the point when one wonders whether this is a serious protest to force a change or a bunch of people just deciding to dress in yellow and have fun on a weekend. The weather should be good for picnic, but I don’t think the residuals from tear gas is a healthy “extra lauk” for their picnic.

Troublemakers

Call them hired gangsters, haters, or whatnot. These people would sneak in among the crowd and pretend to support the rally.

Watch out for any suspicious individuals, speeches, or items that are intentionally provocative and made to sabotage the rally. Basically, just think of Bersih as Sherlock Holmes and these bad guys as Irene Adler. Don’t let your guard down.

Opportunists

The ones who make speeches, appear in the headlines and take the credit when they are not the ones who organised the protest, plan the routes, logistics, and transportation, play hide and seek with the police, gather the people and protect their safety.

Regardless of how Bersih 4 ends up, the opportunists will take credit for all the good parts and blame the others for all that went wrong.

Ones who never had enough

These are your passionate radicals, full of youthful spirit and idealism. They will tell you that this 30-something-hour protest is not enough to change anything.

“We need to do more.” “We need to occupy Dataran until the prime minister steps down or/and institutional reforms are implemented.” “We cannot rely on politicians to make changes... We need a revolution!”

Unfortunately, though Malaysians like our food spicy, our political behaviour is mild. Our level of spiciness would only increase if there is a hot leader like Jennifer Lawrence. I mean, Katniss Everdeen.

Guy who doesn’t lift a finger

“What? This weekend got Bersih? I’m just stopping by to get my Starbucks.”

Naysayers, cynics/pessimists, theoretical thinkers

These people are sceptical about Bersih. “What is Bersih 4 going to achieve?” “What is Bersih’s strategy?”

They keep asking Bersih to do more, but they won’t do any more than attending a weekend protest. They have many questions and won’t be satisfied or driven to act unless all their doubts are cleared. By the time all their questions are answered though, the apes have taken over the planet.

Genuinely sincere and patriotic Malaysians

Okay-lah, let’s have a Hollywood ending. You will meet many Malaysians who will put aside their differences for two days to go to the ground and show their concern for the country.

When you see people sacrificing their time, sweat, and tears (literally, thanks FRU), you feel that there is hope for the country.

These kiam siap and kiasu Malaysians who would not even let each other enter the LRT first would dedicate an entire weekend to struggle for change, however likely or unlikely.

This naive optimism to cling on a tiny hope for change is somewhat heartening. On the streets of Kuala Lumpur where we Malaysians constantly battle to the death over who should cut into the lanes first, we walk and unite as one... until the next Monday morning. – TMI