Merdeka, Merdeka, Merdeka for our Captured State

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Let’s imagine an ordinary Malaysian this Merdeka. He goes by the moniker Johnny Wong Azman Maniam or Johnny for short.

Johnny reads the alternative media, like Malaysiakini, so he knows, or thinks he knows, what's going on. He enjoys nasi lemak or roti canai in the morning, goes to work five days a week and works hard, to pay off his Proton car and the terrace house he was so damn lucky to buy in 2009, before prices shot up like crazy.

He knows something’s amiss in the nation, but thinks “watudo?” After all, there’s no fighting or killing going on except among the usually Indian gangsters.

All is well.

But is it?

To understand this, consider the crime of kidnapping.

Being kidnapped is not usually the concern of people like Johnny Wam. Heck, he doesn’t even have two sen to his name in cold cash, after paying off the house and car installments and buying groceries, paying the Tenaga Nasional Bhd, utilities, dog and cat biscuits, education premiums for the kids and mobile bills, etc.The only thing left to ransom him is the bloody Proton car, he thinks, shaking his head, and they’re welcome to that pile of junk.

No, kidnapping only worries rich, rich people, he thinks.

The richer you are, the more headaches you have. It’s not my problem,buddy, Johnny thinks smugly.

But, Johnny, Johnny, what if the whole country has been kidnapped?

W.h.a.a.a.t? Johnny stares, openmouthed and aghast.

Yes.

Then, it becomes everyone’s problem. Including yours, Johnny dude.

That is, everyone except for the relatively small bunch of clever people who have either organised this kidnap or acquiesced in its capture; they are sitting pretty, running things, arresting people, detaining others, moving big money around the world at the speed of light and with a few strokes of the computer keyboard.

Isn’t life wonderful for them?

They also keep large teams of international consultants whose job is to advise them on how to keep the whole population in thrall, drinking in the misinformation and disinformation being spewed out merrily by officials.

It’s jolly hard work, you know. That’s why they’re paid so much.

This isn’t even called ‘kidnapping’ by the way. Kidnapping of people is so passé. That’s done by stupid lowlife gangsters. These clever people ‘do’ ...ssshh... something called State Capture...

State Capture defined

You can read all about it in excellent papers at world bank.org from which the following is taken:

“This session was opened by Joel Hellman, Governance Specialist in the Europe and Central Asia Vice-Presidency of the World Bank.

“Defining State Capture as the efforts of a small number of firms (or such groups as the military, ethnic groups and kleptocratic politicians) to shape the rules of the game to their advantage through illicit, non-transparent provision of private gains to public officials, he noted that examples of such behaviour include the private purchase of legislative votes, executive decrees, court decisions and illicit political party funding.”

Hmm.

Don’t believe it?

Just keep your eyes open and try to see for yourself.

For example, there is a report today that Dr Mahathir Mohammad has indicated that a certain VIP helped derail certain important investigations last year.

To avoid being arrested himself, Dr M has wisely not fingered the man. Dr M was always a smart cookie. He seems to inspire either hate or admiration, sometimes both. You got to admit that our well-diversified economy was his baby and his successors merely inherited the business with no big ideas of their own except.... Well, I’ll stop there.

What is the big picture? Always, always, look for the big picture, people.

Using retainers

To get a better idea, look at the corporate sector.

Some big commercial firms put law firms on ‘retainers’, ie they are paid a flat fee every month, whether or not their services are used, plus additional payments are made for actual services rendered. This ensures they will give priority to this client and will be at their beck and call. Plus, it helps average out the client’s cash flow since a series of regular payments replaces one large lump sum. Win-win eh?

Now Malaysia has, for all intents and purposes, exhibited several signs of a captured state for some time now.

It is quite easy, really, to manage this.

You don’t need lots of brains. Just plenty of money and a few willing hands. Modern jet travel, high speed broadband access and smartphones have done wonders.

Which also facilitates criminal minds, alas.

Action list for kleptocrats - in other countries, naturally

Here’s what to do. Listen up.

Just make a list of 10 ‘must have’ prominent people, that you simply must have to do your bidding instantly.

1. Put them on retainers, say $X per month.

2. Project your costs for all 10 people.

2.1 Annual total costs: $10X per month for 12 months equals $120X

2.2 Five-yearly costs: $120X per annum for five years equals $600X

(So, to enable state capture, you will need $600 X cash. A five-year timeline is ample, to make your pile and sink into obscurity and/or vanish from the public eye. Unless you're very greedy or have a very greedy wife.)

3. Make sure the delivery is as opaque as possible.

3.1 Use Swiss numbered bank accounts.

3.2 Alternatively, use the very helpful services of Panama law firms who will route the cash deliveries by multiple unconnected intermediaries that will not link back to you.

3.3 Better yet, use both Swiss bank accounts and Panama assistance. Now you’re thinking, dude.

Wah! Johnny Wam rubs his eyes, wonderingly, like he has been in a dream state.

He was blind and now can see.

All-up costs

How much will it all cost? Johnny asks, wide-eyed and with rapt attention.

Well, if X is $1 million, then the projected 5-year cost is $600 million. But of course, you don’t have to give $1million to each of the ten people! You could give $1 million to one VIP and maybe $500k to couple others and $100k to many others. Maybe even $10,000 will buy someone's loyalty for a long, long time. Maybe $1,000 even.

Organising the payroll

It could be hundreds or thousands of people who are on retainers. Don’t worry, with a computer database, cloud computing and smartphones, you could be flying in your private jet over the Alps and figuring out:

“Haji wants another $10 mill. Hah! Now, how much have I already paid that blardey basterd and have I got the surplus budget for it today?” Your Excel spreadsheet will have all the answers, don't worry. You don’t have to interrupt lunch at Paris with the wifey, then shopping afterwards along the Rue de Rosmarrionette or wherever the filthy rich go.

Having decided to pay off Haji, one click sends the cash whizzing away to Switzerland, updates the spreadsheet, and sends an encrypted email to Haji's laptop and smartphone with the cryptic message UHMIHU and another message to the Dirty Tricks Department “Watch this bugger. We may need to take special action, like compromising videos.”

You see, Malaysians are not really greedy people.

They are often easily satisfied and usually remarkably grateful for just peanuts.

As well as being easily offended and easily confused.

We have a nation of very grateful and easily satisfied, confused and offended people, then.

“Oh, what rogue and peasant slaves are we all.”

This is the other part of the Grand Equation of Corruption.

Those who have eyes to see, let them see.

Oh, you were wondering what that cryptic acronym UHMIHU meant?

You help me, I help you.